The co-founder of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Richard Bandler once said, “In life you are given a bag of moments. You don’t know how many of these moments you have. Learning NLP is about maximizing those moments.”
Being a 29 year old, I had a decently huge bag of moments that were gifted to me by my life. Although I did have some rare, occasionally phenomenal moments of joy and happiness, I had spent a colossal chunk of my moments trying to get myself out of quicksand that was slowly sucking me into its voids.
I had spent almost 28 years of moments from my bag on acquiring academic knowledge that proved to be pointless later on, practically challenging experiences, feelings of worthlessness, heartbreaks and heartaches, amassing toxicity in my life, and being incapable of attracting people I liked to form lasting bonds.
This began affecting my emotional state of mind and triggered a chain reaction that led to the formation of multiple unresourceful patterns which in turn augmented my repulsion-factor by several notches.
I would not be completely dishonest with you all by saying I was never attracting anything or anyone in my life. Oh, I did attract like a giant magnet! And when I did, it was always meteor-sized toxicity that struck me hard and buried me deep within the layers of the earth.
That’s probably when the Universe must have gotten tired of playing around with me and out of pity, and decided to teach me the Art of Attraction, by moving me out of the vicious drama triangle and empowering the crap out of me!
I was heading a team of rather skilled-backstabbing warriors at the company I was working for, when one of my earlier mentors advised me to do an NLP certification course, preferably with his mentor. I took a good deal of time researching the what, why and how of NLP before picking the right person to learn from. By the time I was convinced that NLP would open better doors for me, I took a permanent leave of absence from my job and got ready to begin a new journey.
I went ahead and contacted a reputed NLP coach and even received the bank account details from them to transfer my workshop fee. That was when the first divine intervention of the Universe happened. (The more I write about the Universe, the more it manifests itself into a cute, cuddly, chubby grey cloud adorned with stars and shiny objects waving its wand and showering sparkling confetti on me, in my mind! Awwwwww!)
On all the days of my exceptionally focused research, I had mysteriously managed to omit seeing the name of the man who would change my life around through NLP, staring right back at me on top of the front page of my Google search results! Everything has its own timing and the chubby, cheeky, little menace of the Universe had deliberately waited till that very day that I needed to make the payment, to make me see his name, when something within told me to Google search one last time!
Putting my payment on hold, I immediately reached out to the team working for this man and although I did not speak with him then, I happened to speak to one of his trusted aides, Vinay. I must have spent around thirty minutes conversing with him one night, when he was narrating his profound experience with this coach during the workshop. More than the experience, it was something about the way he spoke that instilled a sense of trust and positivity in me.
I must say that I felt an instant attraction to the idea of learning from the man who had moulded Vinay to become someone who could incite trust and an effortless connection, in no time! I needed to see this man, Mohammad Rafi and become his student! And that’s how my journey towards mastering the Art of Attraction began, and it started with learning the 6 proven foolproof ways to attract people using NLP.
NLP is a rather simple yet immensely effective and systematic approach to reprogram the mind and body for a better way of life. It offers a vast platter of tools and techniques that help us use our body, language and thoughts to positively influence ourselves and others, by getting rid of the unresourceful patterns holding us back, thereby, improving our self-confidence and communication.
And when you want to use NLP to attract people, it is important to do so effortlessly and naturally, all the while staying focused on the objective of attracting that particular person.
You could be a sales person wanting to attract more customers, or a team leader wanting to get your team to eat out of your hands, or a desperately single loner who wants a partner to do stuff with! Or someone wanting to improve your relationships, or you could be just someone wanting to make some friends! No worries! Whoever you are, here are the 6 proven foolproof ways to attract people using NLP:
I am sure you have all seen your reflection in the mirror and you all know that your reflection does everything that you do. You trust your reflection. You don’t question it and you have an unshakeable bond with it.
Although, in real life people spend a majority of their time in communicating with people rather than with their own reflections. When people communicate, they primarily do so to convey a message and to build bonds. And people build bonds with those who they trust and feel connected to, like their own reflection.
So the first step towards attracting someone is to become their reflection, by mirroring them. Beginning from their body posture to their expressions and movements, do what they do, but appear like a mirror reflection to them.
If they are seated opposite you with their left leg crossed over the right one, make an effortless and subtle attempt to sit exactly like that but with your right leg crossed over your left.
Match your rate of breathing with theirs and smile when they smile. Nod when they nod. But do this naturally in a way that does not raise suspicion or make the other person feel mocked at.
Like mirroring, to build better rapport with someone in order to attract them, matching or twinning works wonders! It also works vice versa, where when two people have great rapport, they start twinning in the color of their clothes, the hairdo, the choice of words, the likes of people they befriend, preference of food, etc.
There are so many aspects on which matching can occur. You can twin with the person you wish to attract, consciously or unconsciously. The objective is to make the other person believe that you are one of their own, more like a twin who shared similar experiences, space, likes and dislikes.
Twinning or matching is a very obvious indicator of your intentions to attract the person, you are trying to strike a resemblance with, into a closer bond.
The Representational System in NLP details the effect of the five senses of our body on our thought processes. Be it visual (sight), auditory (hearing), kinesthetic (touch and movement), olfactory (smell) or gustatory (taste). Know which sense is dominant in the person that you are trying to attract by observing their language patterns, and dig deeper to understand if these senses act on them externally or internally or both.
For instance, I am a highly visual person. It would just get someone seconds to send me into a split of laughter by merely saying, “A buffalo wearing Spiderman underwear!”, as my mind would immediately form an internal picture of a buffalo actually wearing a bright red Spiderman underwear.
My state of euphoric laughter would arise more from the internal image that my mind has formed rather than an actual sight of a buffalo wearing Spiderman underwear! This is a classic example of how I am someone who is visually internal.
(Also, just so you know, I am auditory external, olfactory external and gustatory total! If you are someone crazy enough to want to entice me, you may bring me dark chocolates because I like the smell too! And sing and play on the guitar for me as I sit and eat the chocolate. Once I am done eating the whole bar of chocolate, I might actually acknowledge your presence! Yeah, food first! Rapport later.)
Along with the representational systems, create positive experiences for the person you want to attract or associate yourself with one of their most memorable experiences so that they think of you the moment they think of that experience. And the feeling that experience gives them will also be associated with you.
Let’s just say you want to get me to be your friend. And I happen to mention that I like chocolate pastry from a particular shop. What you could do here is, to narrate to me a funny incident of yours related to that shop or to chocolate cake, keeping in mind my dominant representational system.
Since humor is a great way to connect with me, and ofcourse, chocolate cake! The next time I have a chocolate cake at that shop or elsewhere, the chances that you would pop into my head and me laughing is pretty high. My mind would start associating my experience with you.
This means that you have successfully anchored a resourceful state in my mind for you! So decide which emotion or experience you want to be anchored to in the mind of the person you are trying to attract.
Get the person to lower their defences and open up to you and reveal their true values and thoughts unconsciously, through the questions you ask. Make sure the language is clean and open-ended as you probe deeper into the neural networks of their thoughts.
When you do this, it gives the other person an impression that you are genuinely interested in getting to know them. But for you it is about simplifying the quest in front of you. You become successful in breaking down the complexity of attracting them, into smaller chunks that you can deal with one at a time.
For instance, if you want to know which restaurant I would prefer to go on a date, rather than breaking your head over it, all you would have to do is to ask how I would decide a place to eat at and then so on. In this process you would be able to chunk down the primary factors on my checklist that need to be checked off so that I have a good dining experience. And then, when I am given the same or even similar experience, I become happy and I would begin to acknowledge your efforts and associate with you in a manner resourceful to you.
Intonation is the modulation of the tone of your voice. Most of you reading this might have experienced this in your lives – while you are out shopping for a new dress, the salesperson describes the make and price of the dress in the same tone, which is mostly low, but changes it to a more cheerful, reassuring note when he or she says, “You look fabulous in this dress!”, stressing on the words “fabulous” and “dress”.
These become hidden commands that get embedded into your subconscious strongly when compared to the price of the dress, as these were the words that stood out in the conversation due to the intonation around them! As a result, the probability of you buying that dress goes up even if deep, deep down, you know you might look hideous in it!
As I have mentioned earlier, NLP uses language as one of its tools to influence another person. In my opinion, language is the most powerful tool to influence a person. Knowing all the different aspects of it can make you an attractive attracter of people and up your game by several notches. It could make you a flutist, mesmerizing people with the music of your language.
Using the right intonations along with language enhances the effect of your influence on a person. Imagine the possibility of using merely language to influence a person and getting them to do what you want them to, in no time. You could sell better, date better, and lead better. The sooner that happens, the better you become at attracting any person with the 6 ways of using NLP! It would be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, wouldn’t it?
So you have just finished reading the 6th and ultimate point right now. And it shows that you have read the entire article so far. And it also shows that you have read the part where I said I like chocolates. You are now thinking of sending me a box of dark chocolate, aren’t you? You may send it now or you may gift me a box when we meet in person!
So to conclude… Ever since I have learnt NLP and have been religiously using its tools and techniques on myself and the people around me, I have begun attracting more positivity in my life and people who help me grow as a person.
It has boosted my confidence and has also increased my awareness of people and things that are toxic to my well-being – people who wear a facade and attempt to use techniques of influence on me for unresourceful or malicious or selfish purposes.
NLP has helped me maximize each moment I have now! It has immensely helped me in redefining and reconstructing my inner circle and in attracting people that I want to, professionally and personally.
So I invite you all to start using the 6 ways of attracting people using NLP to up your game and to be aware of the energy-mongers in your lives, and I also invite you all to consider the possibility of learning more tools and techniques of NLP, and to make it a way of your lives to achieve mastery in the art of attraction!
Manisha Manoharan hails from Vellore in Tamil Nadu. She is an Internationally Certified Behavioral Trainer and NLP Master Practitioner who is passionate about transforming the lives of young-adults so that we can create better human beings. She enjoys good food, music and humour.